Tuesday, July 31, 2007

Questions

Well, I've been away from the blogging for a bit, but I thought I'd post something to let you all know I'm still alive.

Tomorrow is my 31st birthday. I can't believe 30 has already passed me by! However, as our pastor reminded us on Sunday, what's another birthday when we are immortals, destined to live on past this life. 30? That's a drop in the bucket. This life's just getting started!

I was reading over my journal (which apparently I only write in once every 6 or 7 months now) and found some questions I was struggling with last year. Sadly, I don't think I've found many answers to any of them. But maybe I'm just more comfortable letting them be there, unresolved for a while. Maybe some of you have struggled with similar questions? If you're interested, here are some of the ones rattling around in my brain:

"I wonder about so many things. Where am I going? What are my gifts, really? Should I pursue career advancement when we hope to start a family in a few years? Will I want to be home full time or work when we have children? Where will we live? Will we be far from Mom and Dad? How can I serve God with my gifts? How do my goals fit in with Jeff's? Why does my heart only palpitate when I'm in Michigan? How can I learn the truth about myself and my life? Do I really want to know the truth? Do I even really love God? If I did, wouldn't I want to pray and read his Word more often? Wouldn't I be more content with my life? What's this thing I have about hating routine, yet also craving it? How can I add more structure to my life? What am I trying to accomplish? Why? How do I do it? Am I really a being a good wife? Am I keeping the condo clean enough? Why do I hate cleaning the bathroom so much? Do I love Jeff enough, in the right way? Why do I sometimes despise myself for feeling dependent on him? What does it mean to love Jesus? What if Jeff loses his job? What do we have to do to keep our marriage strong? Do I want to be a parent--really? Why does God love me? Why is there so much suffering in the world? What's my responsibility in it all? When am I going to get a really good night's sleep???"

4 comments:

Julia Khouri said...

hi Becky! I enjoy your blog! Love your questions. They were refreshingly honest and I could relate to many of them. Happy b-day! I also turned 31 on 7/9.

Ellen said...

Happy Birthday! I resonate with most of your questions, especially, "Why do I hate cleaning the bathroom so much," "What are my gifts, really?" and "What does it mean to love Jesus?"

Kathryn said...

Don't believe the lies. 31 is OLD!

Stacey said...

Sooo with you on many of your thoughts...especially "what am I doing with my life" and "how do I live faithfully" style questions.

A really wise pastor helped me put that in perspective last year. Saying, "God made you for your calling and your calling was made for you - you can't possibly miss your calling. It's impossible."

Lately, I've been thinking I should just enjoy the ride and stop worrying so much about doing things right (sometimes easier said than done I might add).